Rejuvinated

I am so anxious today to teach and to learn. I saw a new spark of life as I set out to actually mentor that I haven't seen in months. It has been hard living in limbo, not having a room to really call your own, let alone a house. It seems we are just waiting for our lives to start happening again once we move on...

That isn't how I want to live. I put my full effort into life, and it seems to be giving me back everything I put into it, an more. I love my life. I wouldn't trade the experiences I have had, or the ones I am having now. In our family scripture reading recently we read Alma 41:15 "For that which ye do send out shall return unto you again, and be restored..." I believe this, and choose to live in such a way that I will gladly receive that which I send out. I thank God today that I have the will to do more, and do better, each and every day.

I See the Efforts

It is really hard to see the efforts of a child which seem to go to waste. Some things really are an all or nothing proposition, and it is hard when things depend greatly on others. This is something over which you really have little control.

Sarah, I have seen your efforts lately to make things easier for me. I have seen how well you listen to what I say and try to do your best to follow each and every word. I see how you look after your siblings, and try to help when you see that you could do something to make things easier for me. I love you so much. You are truly a blessing in my life at this time, as always. I am grateful for your sweet nature, and your striving to learn and grow.

I know that I don't tell you near enough, but I thank you for all you do, and all you try to do. It really does make things easier knowing that someone notices and does their best to ease the burden. I love you girl.

A Break Before It's Broken

It's hard when Mom has a bad day. The old saying is true, that Moms don't get a day off. I could sure use one. I love being a mom, and I love all the blessings it brings. Today, I am a bit overwhelmed by all the demands made on me. I am getting to the point where I dislike the word, "mom." It's times like this when I am grateful to have family to help. Your wonderful aunt is helping me have a break while you get to go to the park with her! Isn't life great. So many ups and downs, but if we endure it well...

I thank you for your patience, and for your understanding. I hope to be back to my usual self (hopefully that is a good thing) with a bit of rest, and a short break. thank you, Brin.

Quilting Promises

There are so many things that I promise to do, that I never get around to. One that has been on my mind lately is the quilt I promised you. It has been almost two years since I first bought the material and got the pattern to make you a quilt. We sat together and made all the plans, and you were looking forward to having your very own quilt on your very own bed. I remember the excitement in your eyes and and in your voice as we looked at all the options and found what was just right for you. Then for some reason the excitement faded. I found that bag of material today.

I wonder how many other bags of unfulfilled promises I am carrying around. I answer lazily that I will do something, thinking that I will do it "later" when I have more time. That time doesn't come. I then get frustrated when you say you will do something later. I grow what I plant, so what do I expect?

We started on that quilt today. I make no promises as to when it will be done, but I promise to work on it with you. I promise to take more thought as to my example and how I excuse myself because I am "busy" or I need some time for myself. While these things are true, it doesn't give me any excuse to be dishonest with you. I am sorry for my mistakes. I love that you are so patient with me. I love that I have this time with you to be your mom. I know that I learn as much as you in the process. You are a great example to me of love unfeigned. Now, let's get quilting.

Your Business is Important

These past two weeks have reminded me of a message you often hear as you wait on the phone for an operator to help you.

"Your business is important to us. We will be with you shortly."

Things have been chaotic around our home lately. With changes in the weather, changes in income, and family events, all of you have wanted more individual attention and more time to have fun. Unfortunately, I have been putting off some of the family time in order to get business started and make transitions.

You have all been models of patience (most of the time) and helped me to remember what really is important in all of this. YOU. You keep me on track and balanced. I appreciate your candor when you tell me I could do better, and when you tell me what you need. I love being your mom. I am so grateful for the trust Heavenly Father has placed in my hands, and in yours. He knows my weaknesses, and sent you with your strengths to assist me.

I thank you all for your understanding and love as you wait patiently for turns for my attention. You will never have to take turns for my love. Your business is important to me. I will be with you.

A Mini Mommy

What a great little helper you are Annalee. You loo out for your little brothers like no other. I know that I get testy with you at times about it, but your attentiveness has saved me from many an error. You notice when I am making a mistake and help me fix it. It is only my impatience and laziness that keeps me from recognizing that you are making things easier and helping me be a better mom. I love your tenacity and determination.

Be Thou an Example

I have been having trouble home-schooling lately. I have thought a lot about why this is, and I have come to the conclusion that I am not being a very good example. I am reminded of the Thomas Jefferson Education statement, "You, not them" and structure time not content." I know that I get caught up in the everyday mundane parts of life and forget to slow down and create rather than just get through life.

I will do better by practicing piano for myself, just as I want you to do. I will soon be getting my own math books that will help me remember all the things I forgot from years past, and move on to things I never learned before. I will again read on my own, and look for reading opportunities with you as well. I dedicate the first half of the day to you, and the second half to my own learning. I go through spurts and lulls. Once I recognize the lull, I am responsible to pull myself out of it, and move into a high. May the Lord be with me as I rededicate myself to this awesome challenge of being a mother and teacher.

Sometimes it's tough...

Alyn, you are having such a hard time learning how to react when you don't like something. I see you stop and think, and then get frustrated, not knowing anything else but to force what you want on your little brother. After all it's so easy to get your way when you are bigger.

I realize that I am not the best example of this. When my words aren't doing "the trick" I often resort to raising my voice, or punishments, instead of using my head to come up with alternate solutions. If I as a parent have a hard time with this, it's no wonder that a 5-year-old struggles. I am working on this challenge, and I promise to be patient as you work on it as well. I believe it is a life-long venture.

You are such a sweet kid. I hope to inspire you to use that sweet disposition to your advantage when you face unexpected circumstances. I love you.

It's easy to forget sometimes how important the little things are. I get so caught up in getting things done that I forget why I set out to do them in the first place. I am impatient with you over the most trivial of subjects and neglect to teach you about the true blessings of life. I look to God to keep reminding me to "choose the better part" each day, each hour, each minute. You are so important to me. It's not the laundry or the dishes that "need" to get done, it is the learning and growing that come by small things each and every day. This doesn't mean that the dishes don't get done, but that my focus is you, not the housework. Help me remember. Forgive me when I forget.

Growing Up

Sarah Noel, you are so beautiful. It is amazing to watch you grow into a young woman. I remember when you were such a little girl, and I thought to myself that you were a beauty, and you were going to give me some stress someday because of it. You are only ten now, but I am there. I hope that I have taught you that you are an incredible person, that you are beautiful not just on the outside, but on the inside. You are unique. No one else is just like you, and no one ever will be. It is only a few short years before you will be dating (whew!) and I will use every minute of that to reinforce how much potential you have, and how incredible you are. You continually surprise me with your love and generosity. I have been blessed beyond anything I could have imagined to be your mother, to be a part of your becoming. I love you, girl.

Happy Birthday Jayden...

I was reflecting today on how blessed I am to be your mother. I remember finding out for the first time that I was carrying a new life inside of me. I was terrified of all the ways life would change. Would I be able to date my husband still? Would we be able to afford all the expenses that would now come our way? How would I be able to teach this little person all that life is about? I was humbled with my responsibilities.

As I consider these things now, I realize, change is what life is all about. There is no standing still. I have grown so much over the last 12 years, and I wouldn't trade my experiences for anything. I know that I have made mistakes (too many to enumerate here) but I have become better because I put myself out there to improve.

I want you, and all my children to know of my thoughts, of my intentions, and most of all, of my love for you. So much in life is forgotten the moment it passes. I have dedicated my life to the Lord, to my husband, to you, and to all my children. I want that to be remembered and passed on beyond just my memory, or even yours. I hope these notes benefit you in some small way, to let you know you are loved, you always have been, and you always will be.